In May
by inpassing
Summary: It was about time someone made her happy for a change. shiznat
1. jasmine

In May, she smelled like jasmine. Two maybe three freshmen would stop and take in this powerful scent. Indiscreet and young, they would follow Shizuru's form up until she ascends the stairs. They would perform the same routine willingly for the next two months.

'_Does she have a boyfriend?'_

'_It's Reito-sempai, isn't it?'_

'_I hear she dates a star.'_

'_Really?'_

'_My cousin's friend saw them.' _

Natsuki knew the truth of course. There were signs all over. The way Shizuru would smile, the way she would slowly drink tea and listen to her senseless tirades. What mattered was that Shizuru didn't say it out loud. If she did, Natsuki wouldn't know what to do. Run, stay, run, and stay. It was a tick-tack-tick rhythm and there will be no end to it.

'_Do you want to have dinner tomorrow?'_

'_Some other time; I still have things to do.'_

It was a routine that was stagnant for a while. Like the steady rhythm of Natsuki's bike on the road. There were nothing more outside the council room. And that, Natsuki decided, was that.

--

Up until Haruki entered the scene. Haruki; the boy who sang the blues. Three o'clock in the afternoon and Shizuru stood rooted on the ground. The left-wing corridor never felt so colourful. Haruki's violin struck a high note and ended in a sharp C.

'_Do you play?'_ Shizuru knew exactly what he meant.

'_I can.'_ she said. It was about time someone made her happy for a change.

Natsuki will face losing the game.

--


	2. the coming of the rain

_**The Coming of the Rain**_

He liked watching her. Smooth and precise movements, not too modest and not too crass. The sweet smell of jasmine engulfing him as she leaned forward to take a move. _'Haruki'_ she said, bishop in hand, _'you will lose if you keep on staring.'_ The bishop landed three squares from his king. Check.

'_I wasn't staring.'_ The bishop went down in one quick movement. Haruki's queen stood proudly inside the black space. _'But you were.'_

There was a quick movement and they were no longer playing. There was a kiss and a small 'thud' on the bed. The pieces were now lying on the floor and the game forgotten.

Shizuru loved these moments. The feel of Haruki's lips on hers and what will soon follow. Haruki held her like when he held his violin. Precious, fragile –important. She liked that feeling.

Only later in sweat, entangled with Haruki in the rumpled sheets, will she look outside the window and think of something else. _Someone _else.

-

'_Who is it?'_ Natsuki peered to watch her friend's reaction. There was a slight change and Shizuru looked more human than all the other times she'd been with her. Natsuki was afraid that if she try and reach out to touch her friend, her hand would find flesh and not the ethereal being she'd set Shizuru on. Shizuru: half human and half-ethereal, that's what she is.

'_A boy.'_ Shizuru answered. A boy who smiles a lot, she wanted to add.

' _I didn't ask for the gender. I asked for his name.' _

_Haruki.' _

'_Are you going to introduce me to him?' _

'_Only if you want me to.' _

Natsuki did not.

'_Yes.'_

-

It became a sort of urban legend that student council presidents date equally powerful social beings. A pop star, the over talented vice-president or the top athlete.

Haruki fell short of this expectation.

Natsuki was wearing her favourite pair of socks when she met him. He stood barely an inch taller than her. His tussled brown locks could use the attention of a decent hairbrush. Artist-type. Natsuki thought, he was probably carrying a Shakespeare in that black postman bag.

'Pleased to meet you.' He said, thrusting his right hand towards her.

Natsuki looked at his left hand – entwined with Shizuru's. Then she looked down on her socks. They're not so comfortable after all.

'Okay.' She said.

'Okay.' Haruki said.

He was unworthy. Far too unworthy.

-

a/n: smex! Because shizuru is just hot. this is pretty much a babble. i just had to update or otherwise lose the momentum and/or interest in this kind of plot. XD


	3. for fate

**For Fate**

Haruki loved the sky. He would attempt to paint it in all its glory and it would still look like a kid's drabble. He said, _' What do you think of the sky?'_ Shizuru by this time knew that the question needed an answer.

'_The sky is vast.'_ Haruki gave out a laugh. He was cute that way. Asking trivial things, getting vague answers and would still be devoted to her.

'_Why do you paint?'_

'_I don't paint,'_ he says yet again. _'I attempt to paint.' _

'_Of course, of course.'_ Shizuru replied in amusement. Haruki, in his traditional black t-shirt, held a sketch pad that looked more of a Math book.

'_Would you rather have me as a brilliant painter?'_ It was in the sincere sort of asking. Shizuru felt the urge to kiss him and she did. Leaning and closing her eyes.

'_Besides, you write better.'_ Shizuru was saying the truth. Haruki had a way with words, rearranging them for her. Haikus written at three am. _The light is just enough, taking flight will take me home, to eternity. _Nobody has ever written her haikus before.

'_I was thinking of getting a new kimono for this year's festival.'_

'_You deserve a new kimono. You practically did everything.'_

And they talked again. Of trivial things, poets, the stars, yellow. _I think,_ Haruki said, _that everything is perfect right now_.

_Let's go,_ Shizuru said.

----

Mai did notice if of course. The additional gloom in Natsuki. Ten minutes after an exam and she would ask:

_All well? _

_It was good._

_Really? _

_Yeah._

There's a certain distance to her now. Natsuki says, _'I am going out for a ride.'_ And Mai is always afraid that she will never come back.

_Do you think something is wrong with Natsuki?_ She asks her friends. They say: no _nothing is wrong with her, just being herself is all._ But something is wrong and Mai knows.

_I feel like I'm failing again._ Natsuki says on the dinner table.

_What are you failing?_

Natsuki shrugs, because she's not capable of crying – not in front of someone.

_----_

The festival began with an enthusiastic crowd. It was noisy and animated. Just perfect. Natsuki knew why she was there though. And it wasn't for the fireworks. Soon she found what she came for – and what she pictured that came with her.

'_See anything you like?' _

Yes. Natsuki was tempted to say this time. _'No.'_

'_Edit your opinion then.'_

Natsuki would have answered back, something sarcastic and familiar. But things aren't like before. Shizuru was in front of her and as unattainable as before. The festival is a happy event. Purple and red and breathtakingly beautiful. She stared for a few more minutes, relieved that Shizuru was talking to Haruki.

'_Good job.'_ Nobody heard her of course. Natsuki looked up. Wondering why she even bothered to come. She wasn't made for festivals. Sometime in the future she'll help a little girl put on a kimono, slip a thousand yen into her small pocket and send her off with her equally excited friends. But Shizuru and Haruki will have pretty little kids, dress them up in blue and purple and pink summer kimonos and watch the fireworks finale with them. It was right and settled.

'_Excuse me'_ she said, walking away and reaching for that small box in her pocket.

The cigarette box said: smoking kills. Everything kills, she thought. From her point of view, she could see the Ferris wheel. She took another long puff and there was nothing like the feel of smoke settling in her lungs. Soothing. She was thinking of that foreign song, something about killing someone softly. Something in that line. Killing me softly alright, she thought.

'_So you smoke now?'_ Suddenly it wasn't too noisy; Natsuki stopped breathing for a second before letting out a long train of smoke. Haruki was nowhere in sight, at least. Enough to look at Shizuru in the eyes and not feel like she was trespassing.

'_People change.'_ She said, and it was true.

She was failing again – which was worse than dying. Shizuru, in all her glory, couldn't even see it. _Help me,_ Natsuki wanted to say. She'd just choke the words if ever they do come out.

'_What do you see in him anyway?'_

It was the million dollar question. There was the spotlight, the crowd waits, the host looks at her and gives her a moment to think.

'_I love him.'_

'_Okay.'_

One of them was definitely lying.

--


	4. and we fall

**And We Fall**

'_I'm not afraid anymore'._

It was an answer to a question, once upon a time. In a dimly lit hallway with no one but Shizuru leaning against a metal rail. The inquiry was never forgotten. It was there, for both of them, unspoken and anonymous throughout. In every tea, conversation and two-minute silence.

So many months later, Natsuki answers in an equally shady alley, with no one but Shizuru to decide her fate.

'_Why?' _

Natsuki was never good at showing affection. She wouldn't hire a cello player to accompany dinner. She would probably write sloppy i-love-yous in oddly shaped post-notes before deciding it belonged to the waste bin.

So taking Shizuru's hand and looking her straight into the eyes, Kuga Natsuki defied everything Shizuru believed in. The reality was no longer real and even Natsuki is capable of pain. And it scared her, so much.

'_I,'_ Natsuki stopped, Shizuru held her breath -

'_I'm not well without you.'_

_--_

a/n: last-minute reviews are love.


	5. places

**Places**

'_I'm not well without you.'_

Natsuki closed the gap and bruised Shizuru's lips. First kisses, the novels say, are pure and sweet. This was not in the description. It was unfair. Surely the fireflies could dance. There could be a faint chanting from the shrine maidens or a soft scented breeze.

There was nothing and so Natsuki cried. The air grew moist and Shizuru licked off the small trace of blood in her lower lip.

_I'm sorry,_ Natsuki wanted to say. _I'm sorry Shizuru. _But nothing came out. Natsuki's strength left her and she knelt bringing down the silent Shizuru in her fall.

Deep in vastness of her unconscious, something was saying: _you're supposed to be mine._ That their hands locked in a grip was the default position. That she didn't even have to beg for Shizuru to stay.

'_Oh god,'_ Natsuki gave out a painful cry. Maybe everything was too late – again. _This is it,_ tears finally falling,

'This is as good as it gets.' 

Take me to my ever after.

'_Natsuki,'_ Shizuru smiled, '_don't give up.' _

Take me home.

------

'…_until I find my place.'_

'_Where is it, this place?'_

'_Here,' he stomps his foot on the ground, 'with you.'_

'_But this is not where I belong,' she says. _

'_No,' he says._

'_Then where will you go?'_

'_I don't know.' _

Sakura; that was her name. She was a Van Goh painting in the sunlight. She had the most expressive eyes. Sometimes Haruki thought that Sakura could have been mute and he'd still fall in love all the same.

'_What are you thinking about?'_

Shizuru sat in the bed, preparing to leave.

'_A girl,'_ he answered, keeping his voice steady.

'_Is she anything similar to me?'_

Shizuru didn't bother to wait for his reply as she kissed Haruki goodbye.

Haruki wanted to say: _Yes. She broke my heart. _

_-------_

_Are you lost? _

_Yes._

_Is someone looking for you?_

_Yes. _

--

a/n: I'm up to something I promise. I think. Last-minute reviews are love.


	6. november passing

**November Passing**

In one of his classes, Haruki learned that the most intimate part of the human body is the hair. _Most people, _his teacher said,_ feels violated if you touch their hair without permission. Touching somebody's hair meant you're close to the person..._

In the bedroom, Haruki was always free to feel Shizuru's hair. Smooth brown locks caught in his hands while grasping for air. Most of the time Shizuru's hair is moist on the pillow, Haruki would turn sideways and breathe them in. In the aftermath of their lovemaking he would say, _You are beautiful_ and Shizuru will be staring at the ceiling, waiting for her breath to descend.

Haruki never expects a reply. Telling Shizuru she is beautiful is as useless as saying that fishes live in the ocean. It was, for the both of them, an unspoken agreement.

Outside it was different. Shizuru slowly walks beside him, hand clasped with his. Sometimes Haruki feels that there is not much between them other than their body parts entwined. He looks down on her hand and wishes they will remain entwined for eternity. He couldn't remember the first time Shizuru made it clear that her hair, as smooth as it was in his bedroom, is private. Something that defined her personal space in the outside world- even from him, the one person she would kiss and whisper: _I love you_.

So seeing Shizuru smile as Natsuki touches her hair to retrieve a fallen petal is unbearable.

_Thank you Natsuki_. She had said, dismissing the fact that Natsuki's hand lingered more that it was supposed to.

The girl gave out a small huff of dismissal. Natsuki, Haruki decides, is transparent. His grip tightens and Shizuru notices. She looks at him in question.

_Shizuru,_ he says, _let's go home._

--

a/n: unfinished fanfics are sad.


End file.
